


Catalyst

by Silence_Speaker



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 13:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silence_Speaker/pseuds/Silence_Speaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it was hard, hard to remember to differentiate between the smiling young man in front of him and the laughing woman of his memories. Severus couldn’t stop himself from always spotting the similarities, after all Harry and Lily were remarkably alike. Harry just wanted to be seen for himself for a change. Slash. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catalyst

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer.

Disclaimer.

Pairing: Severus Snape/Harry Potter.

Angsty-fluffy one-shot.

Xxx

Catalyst.

Xxx

Severus Snape closed his eyes letting himself indulge in the memories of bright laughter, gleaming green eyes and dancing red hair for a few moments sure he was alone in this particular section of Hogwarts grounds. Here he was free to indulge in reminiscing and enjoy the warmth of the summer’s day secure in the knowledge no one else was close by.

Bright laughter spilled across the grounds and even as Severus’s eyes snapped open and narrowed with annoyance that his idyllic time spent basking in pleasant memories his heart thudded twice its normal speed. Because that laugh, that bright, warm infectious laugh drawing you in and enticing you to join in the melodious sound was one Severus was intimately familiar with. 

Although the sound he was hearing was exactly the same in tone it was lower than his memory depicted the voice of a man while his memory clearly depicted a woman.

Severus sighed as he stared across the grounds, wasn’t that always the way?

Harry Potter. 

Harry Potter was an exact replica of his father, James Potter, in looks apart from the eyes. And aren’t eyes supposed to be the gateway to your soul?

Harry Potter was an exact replica of his father.

Except he wasn’t, not at all and it was that that infuriated Severus. Why couldn’t Harry Potter be more like his father? Why did he have to torment Severus with his similarities to Lily?

Harry may resemble James Potter to an alarming degree but he was all Lily and it showed from the familiar slant of his eyes, to the bright green irises. Most people saw those eyes and thought they were the colour of the killing curse, Severus saw them and thought of life, that colour was the one colour Severus would use when trying to represent Lily or Harry.

Pure, lovely, innocent, full of life, bright, with so much warmth over spilling, like a spring’s day, invigorating and refreshing in the best of ways.

The laugh may have been a man’s laugh, deeper, but it was pure Lily, a bright infectious joy.

The words may have been spoken in James’s voice but they were Lily’s words, gentle, kind, teasing and occasionally sharp with indignant righteousness.

It might have been James Potters face but it was Lily’s emotions that shined through, the same joy, the same hope, the same happiness, the same anger, the same frustration and the same love.

It might have been James’s hands but it was Lily’s ardent gestures.

James’s legs but Lily’s grace.

James’s lips but Lily’s smile.

Harry looked like James but he was Lily and that was what killed Severus.

Lily shined through, overpowering the superficial first image.

Severus had seen Sirius’s ‘discrete’ disappointment that Harry despite looking exactly like James (if a little skinnier and smaller) was purely Lily. Severus had taken perverse amusement at that because it was finally justice, Sirius felt the same wrench, confusing mix of overwhelming emotions Severus himself did when he saw Harry.

Sirius mourned more because Harry was Lily inside. Severus mourned more because Harry was James outside.

He could see the slight tightness of Remus Lupin’s eyes, he too saw what they did and he too felt pain but he, unlike Severus and Sirius, treated Harry as himself, not Lily not James but Harry.

Which, really, was only sensible.

 

xxx

 

Severus Snape hadn’t expected to survive the Shack, being bitten by Nagini the Dark Lords snake. But much to his surprise he woke up being tended to in the Hogwarts infirmary (untouched by the battle) along with many others.

He felt his eyes drift around, scanning his surroundings.

Severus stiffened when he saw the body by his bed; lax in sleep slumped inelegantly in a chair in a position that would surely cause uncomfortable aches. But why was Harry Potter sitting by his bed in the infirmary? Severus looked away from the sleeping boy...no man as Poppy Pomphrey bustled over.

“The dear hasn’t moved since after the battle.” Pomphrey said absently nodding towards Potters insentient form. The only signs of life coming from the boy was the occasional twitch of his fingers and the slight rise and fall of his slight chest.

Severus cocked a dark eyebrow and cast another unfathomable gaze towards the boy-man.

“Indeed.” Severus murmured as Pomphrey checked him over. He already knew he would be weak for a couple of weeks but get better slowly; Nagini was/had been more then slightly venomous.

...

So Severus had never expected to wake up after locking gazes with Potter’s bright green eyes the exact shade of L-...

Nor had he expected to enter into a relationship with her son.

 

xxx

 

“Sev!” A bright voice called and Severus briefly closed his eyes his mind catching a glimpse of deep red hair and laughing green eyes before he opened them again and turned to young man calling his name.

Severus raised an eyebrow, quelling slightly the boundless vivacity the young spirit before him possessed. Why did he feel such a pang of remorse at halting such infectious glee?

The young image before him quickly regained himself, cheeks flushing lightly and eyes shining with those irrepressible, utterly unfairly enticing, glorious emotions. A smile danced across lips reddened from the cold and transformed such an already brightly burning face into so much more.

Severus repressed the almost instinctive urge to close his eyes and imagine long flowing red hair where messy black strands resided.

Severus leaned in as the young man danced up to him pecking him on the lips softly, he caught a whiff of the scent coming off the man (almost like fresh cut grass, autumn apples and sweet summer days) and it was such a gentle, scent wrapping around him yet so full of life he resisted the urge to close his eyes and bask in the overwhelming calm chaos.

He indulged himself, clasping the lithe (almost small) body to him tightly and plundering the warm, forgiving mouth with abandon.

The young body responded eagerly, his pliant body moving to Severus’s wishes, moulding against him so deliciously it was obscene. And Severus didn’t quell the urge to wrap long arms around the slight waist and place Harry on top of his desk, slim legs wrapping around his own waist and drawing him in.

Severus almost felt like he was sullying such pure innocence, such light, whenever he touched the bright person in front of him but it was such a pleasurable feeling he didn’t mind too much.

Severus watched the all consuming passion override the features before him but those damming green eyes never lost their expression of utter devotion, locked on his own dark orbs.

He gently eased inside the tight lightly trembling body. He watched the green eyes clouded with lust, pupils blown but still showing such adoration it was almost painful, flutter shut a lost expression crossing the bright face briefly before the vibrant green eyes opened once more and latched onto Severus drawing him in much as the legs wrapped around his waist were.

And then Severus was lost, lost to the glory of sensations, lost inside green pools of life. Green eyes overtook him, possessing him as much as he was possessing the body that was writhing against his so delightfully.

When he came he called out ‘Harry’ while his mind screamed ‘Lily’.

He always felt more than a slight smidgeon of shame as he cleaned up himself and Harry; he never stayed lingering in the post coital bliss too raw with the emotions that always revealed themselves after a tryst. He loved the boy for who he was not and that wasn’t fair on Harry.

Not fair on the vibrant spirit that he claimed as his.

Not fair to compare the woman that was never his to the man who was his to take and gave him too much.

He didn’t like watching the boy fly and Harry rarely asked (never asked) him to watch...but sometimes, sometimes he did so anyway, it was a sort of penance.

Lily had never flown and the one time she did she was utterly appallingly graceless at it.

Harry always looked so at home, so peaceful in the air that it really struck home that Harry was Harry, not Lily. Not the red headed woman who haunted his dreams and waking days mercilessly.

 

xxx

 

Severus listened indulgently to Harry’s chatter as they shared a meal. His eyes lingered on the sharp curve of Harry’s jaw, where the light caught and flickered and the expressive hands, thin fingers that were always gentle in the best of ways.

Harry was so alive and bright when fully free to chatter on to a willing audience. He only really dropped his guard enough to do so around his best of friends and Severus; otherwise the young man was quiet, almost shy. He did not freely natter on often and Severus relished (with no little amusement at what precisely Harry was saying) the rare treat.

Did Harry know that ever a mere flicker of his eyelid was so revealing? So expressive?

That a single gesture from Harry spoke a thousand words?

Severus smiled, a small thin lipped smile, as Harry ducked his head, dark eyelashes concealing his vibrant green eyes from view. Harry beamed brightly when he caught the smile and Severus felt his breath catch. He did not deserve the warm emotions freely offered from the kind generous young man before him.

Warm fingertips lightly traced Severus’s brow and cheek in a lingering caress. Severus caught and twined the fingertips with his own tugging Harry towards him to seal the gap for a kiss.

Severus closed his eyes when the intensity from Lil-Harry’s green eyes got too much. 

 

xxx

 

Severus watched from the sidelines as Harry flew absently, drifting through the air at a speed you would have thought impossible to be peaceful. But Harry’s face displayed clearly how utterly relaxing he found his flight through the air, the wind whipping about his face until his cheeks pinked, eyes wide with glee as he dropped to the ground far too fast then pulled up from his dive scant feet from the ground.

Severus’s grip on his hands loosened as Harry pulled out of the dive successfully and he grimaced to the content man flying about without care or concern while in the air. Harry didn’t see the grimace; he didn’t even know Severus was watching.

When Harry finally did come down (Severus would not interrupt such an innocent pastime that brought Harry such joy even if he was freezing and longing for his chambers with a cheery blazing fire) he almost jumped when he saw the darkly clad man waiting patiently. Harry smiled softly and wandered over slowly.

Severus felt the corners of his lips twitch upwards as he watched Harry’s absent, almost stumbling, approach. Harry was always so much more graceful in the air that when he returned to earth he seemed to lose his balance somewhat, adjusting to being on the ground again. 

Severus pulled the unresisting man into his arms brushing aside the long messy fringe with an amused look before ducking his head for a kiss. Harry was always deliciously sleepily pliant after having flown. It was a contrast to his usual vivacity and ardent animated life that Severus was always struck by it.

He bustled Harry back to their living room, thankful for the warm blaze of the fire as they entered. Harry’s hands were no less cold than his own.

Harry dropped onto the sofa staring at the fire as though mesmerised. Severus ran a hand through the messy black hair, tilting Harry’s head for a kiss. 

Harry was never one to sit back and let someone else do the work, he would always match people, or even try to do more than his load but after flying Harry was almost too relaxed, nearly a puddle of goo.

And while Severus adored Harry’s reactions, his lingering caresses and vitality he found this tranquil lethargy pleasant in its own way.

He gently disrobed Harry who sat there unresisting, pulling Severus in for kisses and draping his arms around Severus’s neck. Severus withheld a smile at Harry’s drowsy actions and heavy lidded gaze.

He warmed them both up on the rug by the fire, Harry pulling him closer, always pulling him closer, as Severus slowly brought a different flush to Harry’s face than the one from the wind or from the warmth.

He remained there after they were done, locked in Harry’s grip. Harry didn’t seem to mind Severus’s weight pressing down on him, in fact he seemed to glorify in it warm pliant limbs encasing Severus further.

Severus stroked the black strands from Harry’s face with a soft expression that made Harry, even in his blissed out and sleepy daze, smile brightly.

 

xxx

 

Severus frowned into his (sadly non-alcoholic) drink. Why had he agreed to attend this Weasley party? A bright green gaze caught his own and a warm smile was sent his way. 

Oh. That’s why.

Harry asked, cajoled and pleaded for Severus to attend this particular function and Severus had reluctantly acquiesced. 

Apparently the Weasley girl, Ginevra, was announcing her engagement officially and so had called a family gathering. Severus didn’t ask how Harry had known about Ginevra’s engagement before her own family; Harry always knew things he shouldn’t.

Severus nursed his drink (still sadly non-alcoholic) hidden almost, in the shadows in a discrete corner.

“Come on Sev! Your corner won’t mind if you socialise a bit and it will still be here when you return.” A bright voice said as a warm body sidled up against his and pressed against him linking their arms. Severus dispelled the familiar image of Lily doing this exact same thing at something or another he couldn’t quite remember.

“I’d rather not.” Severus responded shortly but in such sure tones that Harry didn’t even try to continue to convince him to leave the shadows and instead just stood next to him, both silent in the shadows.

After about half an hour Severus stirred.

“You go back out there and chat to your friends.” Severus ordered not unkindly. Harry grinned brightly absently pulling Severus down for a chaste kiss before doing as he said.

Severus drained his glass (still no alcohol) and watched the people in the room. People watching was a form of entertainment.

Arthur Weasley sat trying not to nod off by the fire a small plate of food draped precariously on his lap. Molly Weasley berated her son George for putting something in the food that made the people who ate it turn into a frog. Ronald Weasley roared with laughter as George explained they wouldn’t turn back into a human until either they were kissed or twelve hours had passed, whichever came sooner. Hermione Granger, probably soon to be Weasley, stood chatting with Harry and Neville Longbottom. Neville Longbottom’s arm draped around Harry’s shoulders...

Severus’s eyes narrowed infinitesimally. Why would Longbottom have his arm around Harry’s shoulders?

Severus didn’t take his dark eyes off of Harry, Granger and Longbottom’s relaxed forms. His white knuckled grip on his glass relaxed slightly when Longbottom left Harry and Granger, finally removing his arm.

What right did Longbottom, the bumbling idiot, have to touch his Harry?

And it was there, there that Severus realised the direction his thoughts had gone. He wasn’t enraged that Longbottom was (potentially) stealing Harry out from under his nose because Harry was Lily’s son but because Harry was Harry.

Severus blinked, surprised.

When had he gone from comparing every little gesture and tone of voice Harry gave to Lily to just appreciating Harry for Harry?

He had lived so long comparing them that he had missed the point when he stopped.

Severus had never experienced lazy mornings in bed with Lily, so how could he compare them? He had never taken Lily out to restaurants so, again, how could he compare Harry’s simple delight at being asked to Lily? Lily didn’t fly so how could he compare Harry’s unfeigned joy to her? He had never been in a romance with Lily so how could he compare Lily and Harry?

Harry was Harry so how could he compare them? Harry was himself not his dead mother or dead father.

Harry had a certain dark humour that neither of his parents had had, Harry found delight in simple small things that both Lily and James had taken for granted, Harry was Harry, different from Lily in many tiny subtle ways and it had taken Severus a great deal longer than it should have to realise this.

Lily had never looked upon him with green eyes bright with adoration, so why did he forever dwell in what he had never experienced?

Severus jerked out of his thoughts as a gentle hand touched his elbow. He turned to Harry and wrapped him firmly in an embrace. Harry gasped out a light chuckle and returned the hug.

Severus didn’t let go of him for a few long minutes.

“Not that I’m complaining but why the hug?” Harry asked, green eyes swimming with his perpetual calm strength, a core of steel behind the gentle demeanour that Severus knew neither of Harry’s parents had possessed. Severus gave a small smile, dark eyes tracing Harry’s pleasing features.

“That was for you being so...Harry.” Severus explained enigmatically pressing a warm kiss against Harry’s smooth forehead.

Severus wasn’t expecting the sharp piercing gaze directed his way nor for Harry to pull out of his grip slightly. Harry’s face crumpled minutely but Severus caught the expression with concern.

“For me being me? Or for me being Lily’s son.” Harry asked. His tone couldn’t really be called anything other than resigned bitterness. Severus’s eyes widened as he scanned Harry’s set face, the turmoil of emotions Harry was feeling showcased only by his eyes.

He tried to tug Harry to him but for once the young man resisted, planting his feet squarely, face set.

“I never thought I could be envious of the dead. Is it wrong for me to be jealous of my mother? Jealous because while I’m with you, you’re with her. I’m being compared to a ghost and coming up short.” Harry bit out before ducking his head and staring at his shoes his hands gripping his sleeves tightly.

Severus blinked. He had been so stuck in his thoughts...how had he missed this? He had once been a double agent, a spy; he should have noticed that Harry had figured out some of Severus’s thoughts. Harry wasn’t stupid but Severus had thought he wasn’t that easy to read.

Severus tilted Harry’s face up, had Harry’s face always been that pale? Eyes that bright? He felt thinner than before, just a bit and barely noticeable. Harry’s eyes were dark, a maelstrom of various emotions evident.

“That was true-” Severus grabbed hold of Harry’s arm so he couldn’t leave before he had finished speaking. “No, listen. I used to, used to...but how can half dreams, the hopes of an adolescent compare to the l-love you offer me? I’m here, with you for you. No one else.” Severus hoped Harry understood his incoherent ramblings. He was usually so articulate that his sudden absence of coherency was more than a little startling. He ignored that though, his eyes fixed on that expressive face.

Lily hadn’t been so expressive or maybe Severus just couldn’t read her as easily as he read Harry.

Harry swallowed at Severus’s words looking so achingly hopeful that Severus’s grip tightened around the lithe body pulling Harry closer to him.

Eventually something in Severus’s expression seemed to reassure Harry and he leaned in, arms hesitantly snaking around Severus’s waist and head dropping under Severus’s chin. Severus clasped Harry to him tightly, probably too tight but Harry didn’t complain or squirm to get away.

“Harry.” Severus murmured tilting up Harry’s head. “Harry.” Severus muttered against Harry’s lips as he drew Harry into a deep kiss. “Harry.” Severus breathed placing his forehead against Harry’s and staring into the achingly soulful green eyes.

 

Whilst Harry and Lily may have shared the same eyes, the emotions expressed through them were wholly different. And Severus knew this...now.

 

 

xxx

 

Just to make absolutely clear, the Neville and Harry thing was purely platonic. Like, arm around the shoulders of your good friends thing.


End file.
